Please put down that razor blade. In two years you will learn that you are not utterly and completely alone in this world, although you may always feel unique, you are not a freak. You will begin a quest that few others have or will have ever done. You will get married and have children. To know what its like to love and be loved in the traditional sense, taking full advantage of all the privileges that you were born into. You will become wealthy and envied, loathsome and admired, happy to the extent your kind could ever be, and depressed. More so than you’ve ever been in your life up until  you have a vision. In your 36th year you will learn what its like to die and watch all that you built and your father built be dismantled. You will walk away from a million dollar a year business, the mansion on the hill, your newly formed frienships-that you never had as a child-your beautiful family, and you will walk away from yourself, or the person you created, to begin another life more destitute and frightening than anything you could imagine but it too will not last and then you will die again and be reborn into someone else with a new identity and move in with a man who lost his family and will cling to you and love you for a while and you will be that ordinary house wife and woman you always wanted to be. You will cook for him and clean house and tend his garden and meet new friends but this too will come to an end and you will almost die again but the man will help you start a new life. You will then meet another man and another and another and sleep with many men before you come to realize that sexual interludes and love are two distinct houses both have shaky foundations for someone like you and then you will go to law school and make new friends. You will meet a man who asks you to marry him. You will move in with him while you are going to school and help raise his children. You will lure many young men to your bed and become popular and well liked and a mean girl will take you down. You will lose your man when he almost drowns you in front of his children, by accident of course. He didn’t mean it and you will pack up as much of your old life and run again. This time to the South and you will meet more men before you find another one who asks you to marry him and another girl, this one a friend will tell him what she heard about you, and he will break your nose but it too was an accident so you move to another city and start your own practice powerful men will keep their eyes on you and you will take a woman as your lover and stay under the radar but it will not last. You will have a thriving law practice and become one of the most popular female attorneys in southwest Florida. You will rebuild the fortune you lost, take cases that get in all the newspapers and be on national news on television over ten years and have an affair with one of those powerful men and it all comes crashing down again. You die and start a new life in another state with another name and meet another man and that too is over before the year and you go back to find your past and find its been erased. Only parts of it remain. And you crash inside but survive. And  you meet your daughters for the first time and realize it was there all along. The answer to your quest was never in your own happiness but in theirs. It will all be worth it my friend. Just hang on.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s