Show and Tell: which is more effective

I stood in the center of the room paralyzed, waiting. The waitress said they had just closed the area. Paul ignored her and kept walking toward the window. The hair on his neck reminded me of a porcupine. He stopped before sliding into the booth and turned towards me. My legs felt rubbery. “I told him he couldn’t sit there,” the waitress said. She gave me a weary smile that almost fell off her face as soon as it appeared. “Evie, come on,” he shouted. People were staring. Not at him, me. I was a statue. Venus unrobed. “You like sitting near a window.  Now come on,” Paul said. “Wow,” the waitress muttered. He walked back to where I was standing,  took me by the hand and led me over to the booth he had selected, the one by the window,   where I could see into the darkness,  and the reflection of the wide-eyed girl who married a musician with a calloused hand that strummed her face like his guitar. “What will you have?” The waitress asked me. “A Bloody Mary,” I said, and she nodded, expectantly.  Or … The narrator could simply state: Paul ignored the waitress when she told him the section by the windows was closed for the night. I hesitated. He ordered me to follow him, and when I froze, he came back, took me by the hand and led me to the booth where he ordered me a bloody mary, and sat down.  Which scene is more effective and illustrative of the characters?

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Show and Tell: which is more effective

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s